By The Landlord
"The tocsin you hear today is not an alarm but an alert: it sounds the charge against our enemies." – Georges Danton, French revolutionary
"Work is a necessity for man. He invented the alarm clock." – Pablo Picasso
"Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not." – Ursula K. Le Guin
In our distant past it would have been first squint of dawn, the rustle of bush, the snap of twig, the flap of wing or the scurry of small animal to alert us to danger or opportunity. But now are ears are attuned to, or indeed drowned in a much bigger variety of sounds to wake up, warn, remind, notify, measure time, summon, disperse. So this week our topic is an aural orchestra of alertness, sound effects or samples that in particular come up in songs, and may additionally, also be described in lyrics.
From a beep to ding-dong, clink to honk to ring to bang, hoot to parp to wail, many will be electronic, but there can also be horns and bells, from alarm clocks to smoke and fire alarms to police and ambulance sirens to road crossing alerts. Many regulate our day, keep us aware of our surroundings. Some are even silent. Even as I type this my Fitbit watch has just vibrated, telling me that I haven't done 250 steps this hour, but certainly have written more than 250 words, and there's no time to move as I continue.
Many alarms and alerts might originate in the context of danger, but far more in modern life come from a wider palette of notification. We have alarms in our homes, not merely for waking up, for warning and reminding us of all dangers and time constraints. The old-school comedian Bob Monkhouse once quipped: "I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer." This might also sound a sexist alarm for modern audiences.
So the sounds that might appear in nominated songs could also include school bells, church bells, a doorbells, telephone sounds, summoning dinner gongs, kettles whistling, air raid sirens, car horns, train whistles, perhaps even announcements through megaphones, foghorns, cow bells, bicycle hooters and bells, bugle calls, hunting horns, computer pings, smartphone notifications, urgent morse code bleeps (usually used to convey urgency), notifying church bells or the Muslim call to prayer. Or in more extreme cases, emergency exit noises perhaps on a submarine, or ship, Geiger counter and power station general alarm.
From beeps to wahs, wails to whistles, klaxons and other cacophones, here is a selection:
So any of these, or others come up in song? If so then they might alart this week's chief alarm expert to include in next week's playlists. One of the most recognisable more artificial sound that may have been sampled in song is this from Quentin Tarantino Bill Kill 1 & 2 films, taken from the Ironside detective series:
Car and other vehicle alarms may well be particularly common in songs that capture the sound of the street. But in this case, this cheeky young kid has learned to use it for fun. I'm not sure I'd be too happy if this were my bike, but you can't help admire his creativity:
Car alarms don't always have to be sounds. Some could be voices. In fact these days any sound can be sampled for an alert or alarm. In Phoenix Nights, door bouncer Maxwell Bygraves, also played by Peter Kay, is very proud of this personalised car alarm:
New York band Too Many Zooz have even made a song based on a car alarm:
And for another creative example of a warning horn turned into music, there are few finer exponents than standup musician Bill Bailey, who squeezes out this lovely version of Metallica's Enter Sandman.
Not all alarms sounded are conventional. Finally then, some people get alarmed by too much creativity. In the Simpsons, Lisa's level of independent thought sounds different alarms:
However, no alarms will be going off for independent thought or creativity here at the Song Bar, other than the good ones, of pleasure and surprise, naturally. Monitoring all of these, I'm delighted to welcome this week's king of klaxons and emperor of alarms, choosing from your nominations - please ring out your appreciation for our very own very appealing pejepeine! Place your nominations in comments below before the bell rings at 11pm last orders (UK time) on Monday, for playlists published on Wednesday. No doubt there will be alarms, and surprises.
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