By George Boyland
We shall begin at the beginning. The earliest decor at Altimira has been dated as far back as 36,000 years. Picasso said: "We have invented nothing." And he was right. Perspective, 3-D, naturalism, representationalism, sacred art, taking in the great sweep of palaeolithic life, and signed with the artists' hands, literally. Go down into those caves and you'll see it all. Those skills weren't born in a vacuum, they developed and evolved over millennia. And somewhere unknown, unfound and underground, the works of the innovators sleep, awaiting our call. "Before The Fall when they wrote it on the wall," Steely Dan's 'The Caves Of Altimira' says.
Slaves, on the other hand, are quite happy with the blandness of 'Magnolia'. Their good-humoured, sub-Pistols, observational broadside is aware that magnolia is easy on the eye and sells houses. Purple, no; magnolia, yes.
Sparks don't ask for much in 'Scandinavian Design', just three items, a table and two chairs. Could be Jacobsens model or the Keeler Danish knock-off. But who cares about that? The knock-off is in the V&A. "Elegance, simple lines … time and space intertwined.”
He's just bought a table for sixty bucks, a chair and a lamp and some candles. Who? Where? Jonathan Coulton at 'Ikea'. It's a celebration. His initial cynicism is overturned when he realises kids and divorced men can buy a home there.
Some people move their furniture around. It makes the room sound different, giving it a new echo, or muffling your voice. Sound and vision. Try decorating, and sing a song while you're at work. You'll sound like Al Green, like Bill Nelson's carpet. In 'Furniture Music' Bill has become furniture. And is that not what we are? A component of our decor?
Poor Billy Bragg - or maybe not. Some guys have the gift, some have the love, some just work hard, and like to give their labour as a gift. Billy cries inability. “I do poetry, it'll buy us a house.” I know a fella, not too far away from this keyboard, who never saw a paintbrush handled nor a sheet of wallpaper hung, then met a woman who could do it all, not just skill but vision too. He had to join in and learn, crap as he was. Billy will write you a song, but don't hand him a screwdriver, he's got the 'Handyman Blues'.
Wise old owl, eh? No. They're the dumbest birds in the world. They know how to catch a mouse then sit in a bush looking back at you. The Handsome Family have a house full of interesting objects, but in their 'Owls' an owl perches upon every objet d'art, flies through the rooms, hoots and screeches as your man's trying to read. Each to his own - but live decor?
In 'Harry's House / Centrepiece', Joni Mitchell highlights the contrast between a nice anodyne hotel room and a genuine home. The businessman's wife may not have the corporate taste of the hotel decorators, but home is where she's at. And that's what matters. She is the centrepiece. The centre of his home. The centre of his life. The centre of the decor built around her.
Who said decor had to be pretty? You could say it's all subjective, but you'd be wrong. A heap of shit will always be a heap of shit. In Captain Beefheart's 'Odd Jobs' the old hobo of that name has taken off again, leaving behind a house in which the local women roam calling, 'Jobs, Jobs?' It's fly-blown; its worn carpet birthing popcorn balls. Sacking on the walls and curtains in the sink. No wonder he did a flit.
Leicester's Family feel like they know 60s Britain better than anyone. There's honesty afoot. Crooked pictures, clothes on the deck, empire souvenirs, the dust of years, coronation mugs, open drawers, Dr Sam going in next door. All that's missing is the Anaglypta painted the colour of dead blood cells. Their 'Coronation' invokes a time when decor was irrelevant.
The Artful Anaglypta A-List Playlist:
Steely Dan – The Caves of Altamira + lyrics
Slaves – Magnolia
Sparks – Scandinavian Design (Official Audio)
Jonathan Coulton – Ikea (Kinetic Typography)
Bill Nelson – Furniture Music
Billy Bragg – Handyman Blues
The Handsome Family – Owls
Joni Mitchell – Harry's House/Centerpiece
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band – Odd Jobs (2012 remaster)
Family – Coronation
The Brushstroke B-List Playlist:
The Beatles – Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)
David Frizzell – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
Jim Reeves – I'm Gonna Change Everything
Dory Previn – Coldwater Canyon
Crosby, Stills, Nash And Young – Our House
Mel Torme – Surrery With The Fringe On Top (Rodgers & Hammerstein)
Edd Byrnes – Kookie's Mad Pad
B-52s – Love Shack
The Natural-Ites – Picture On The Wall
Dagha – Playhouse
John Cooper Clarke – The Day My Pad Went Mad
Guru’s Wildcard Pick:
Willie Lindo - Darker Shade Of Black
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations from last week's topic: Staying in? Get things done with songs about decor. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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