By George Boyland
Having played football with Half Man Half Biscuit against The Farm, I can vouch for their footballing ability. It was my last ever game and I was 57. I scored a header from a corner and didn't even get hurt. If I could be any rock star I would take Nigel Blackwell's job. He writes superbly about his travels around the British Isles, which, in his hiking boots, I would happily do. And I would definitely have written about Lord Hereford's Knob.
Deke Leonard, the man from Man, hurls this chunky piece at us. Map Of India tells us all we need to know about the sub-continent, and more besides. I like his choir.
Frightened Rabbit tell us about digging up skulls in the garden where 'X' marks the spot. Probably WW2 remains. When I had relatives in Bexley, South London, they've all popped off or moved away now, I had the most wonderful summer holidays. The A2 was being built one summer in the 60s. The ground had been turned over, red like tomato soup. I found a strange stone, large, round and creamy coloured. I dug it up because it looked so odd. It was a skull. Knowing that Liverpool Museum would give you a detailed paper on any object you brought in to them, I took it there. They said it was a from a plague pit. My teacher took it off me. Well, what was new? They stole all of my many finds.
Family - A Song For Me. What more could anyone want? A Song For Me. It's like my teenage self on the wander, scouring maps. I saw Family about eight times. Took girls too. Jeez Chapman was scary. I hope they didn't notice.
John Lee Hooker had a High-Priced Woman. She was so fancy and far-seeing he needed a map to find his way home. Been there with that kind of lady, though I would just walk home, no map, nice and easy. I married her.
The Jam sang about a 'Strange Town'.
Been there, done that.
"Found myself in a strange town
Though I've only been here for three weeks now
I've got blisters on my feet
Trying find a friend in Oxford Street
I bought an A to Z guide book
Trying to find the clubs and YMCAs
But when you ask in a strange town
They say "don't know, don't care
And I've got to go, mate."
Reminds me of two of my brothers. One lived in London, a plasterer by trade. The younger one, 17 and 6 foot 6 turned up. The older one gave him a job. First week's wages, a hundred and five pounds in 1978. Great money. He went straight down to The Marquee in Oxford Street to see The Jam. The older brother went to find him. Inside the club everyone was pogoing except him. He was wearing a tweed jacket and corduroy kecks, and was staring around looking for the brother.
A security man came up to him and said, "You can fuck off right now. Get the fuck out."
Besides being a street fighter, the brother was a Tai Kwondo champion. But he was also smart and polite. He said, "Look mate, I know what you're thinking. But I'm just looking for my brother. You think I'm a copper or a drug dealer, but just look at my hands. I'm a plasterer. I haven't got no fanny copper hands or hands like a drug dealer who's never worked in his life. You can feel them if you like."
The security man took one touch and said, "Okay, mate."
I believe The Jam were exceptionally brilliant.
Polyphemus – I might look up the word. Haven't a clue. Couldn't find lyrics, but their song The Sea Map sounds superb.
Shonen Knife’s 'A Map Master' is basically my sister. She drives around and gets lost. She doesn't mind. She spots a road sign and follows the arrows. No hurry. No big deal.
Freya Ridings sings a song called 'Maps'. I can't work out what the hell it's got to do with cartography, but it's beautiful.
Finally, I rarely pick instrumentals, but Michael Chapman's 'Stranger's Map Of Texas' does the job for me.
Full Playlist to Follow The Continuous Route:
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations from last week's topic: Get cartography: songs about maps. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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