By DiscoMonster
Unfinished Notes for a Sermon from the Song Bar Pulpit
The most malevolent presence I have ever felt in the classroom was my religious education teacher. He stalked the back of the classroom, leaning over us, breathing foully on our necks with disdain for our flesh and minds - our youth. When a student stepped out of line, he would swiftly and pitilessly whack across knuckles. He was called Mr. Nutter and a prime example of nominative determinism at its finest.
The school’s headmaster was called Mr. Pickles and he should have kept his hidden. He played the righteous believer in every school assembly, chastising people with words and canes. He went to prison for successively sleeping with the head girls. We always knew he was a “be eviler” and his shameful appearance in The Daily Express grimly confirmed the school children’s assessment of those who professed to lead in religious ways.
I’m sure Paul Kelly would share my cynicism for he sees a religious leader Stealin’ in the Name of the Lord. As for Roberta Flack’s Reverend Lee, I can approve of him rejecting the advances of Satan’s daughter but he’s a coward and a fool for doing so in my opinion. If only the sexy minister had tried to convert her instead of fleeing from the heavenly highs she promised, he might have made a believer out of me.
What does impress me about religious leaders? Well, it’s the way they turn religious instruction into the quest for social justice, using the words of the oppressors and enslavers to fight back. Listening to the Martin Luther King Mix of Larry Heard’s Can You Feel It? will always inspire me and fill me with love for humanity.
HiFi Sean’s Testify (featuring Crystal Waters) also makes me want to go to church. It’s so infectious and I want to be part of it. However, there’s a line in it that goes, ‘Tell me what you mean by “I ain’t living right?”’ Churches and religious leaders are so good at negging us and making us feel shame for being human. In other words, they can be callous, manipulative fuckers.
But the music’s so good it gets a grip on myself. Hence, I’ve listened to Orchestra Baobab’s Mouhamadou Bamba for decades for the sheer joy of the voices and playing but without ever investigating the religious leader of the title.
Yet what do these religious leaders say? What do they mean? Anyone listening to Judy Collins’ Priests will probably come to the conclusion that they make bullshit sound like the sweetest thing just like the song, which is beautifully ineffable, although, usually I prefer the effable.
To those who find my atheism affects their sense of identity let me say I admire the devout “whisky priest” of Prefab Sprout’s Don’t Sing, a man who risked death to fight tyranny and keep Catholicism in Mexico.
Nevertheless, I don’t like the Sermon of the Mercury Rev song, claiming “god’s gonna cut you down”. If that is going to happen, let me live as I want because it spoils the fun of being alive. Or is that the point? Don’t worry, I’m sure the big sky fairy can take a joke and if it can’t, well, we deserve better gods and religious leaders.
Ska-P’s Crimen Sollicitationis contains all the raging against the clerical I require. It rampages through the crimes of religious leaders while shifting from ska to hardcore punk via symphonic metal – Ska-P are nothing but catholic in their musical adventures.
A thread running through these songs is that religious leaders are often utterly charismatic people – even the satirical parody Reverend Black Grape has charisma despite “blowing his own trumpet and buying and selling belief”. Now, you may feel I have had a pint too much of Mischief Brew before writing this. That may be. Have a listen to their Ballad of the Cloth. I like this tale of lost faith but I fear the loss of identity has made the former believer dour, dulling the message. He doesn’t offer the beautiful ecstatic fire and brimstone sermon that underpins Moodymann’s The Thief that Stole My Sad Days (Ya Blessin'Me), which is a gorgeously sensual groove. Ultimately, I think the lesson is: I should be like Son House and “get me some religion” and Preachin’ Blues if I want money and fame. If only I had the required charisma.
If only I had the moral authority to behave immorally, I would chisel ten commandments into rock and say god had spoken to me and told me to tell you how to live. Then I would be able to preach and con the people and I would make Papa Wemba’s Dixième Commandement part of every sermon.
To maintain power, I would be like Santigold’s High Priestess ascending to a position of influence while treating followers contemptuously, a leader who “guards the secrets while you wonder”. Talk about keeping the populace ignorant.
But can we see the person behind the religious robes and artefacts? The Smiths’ Vicar in a Tutu just wants to live his life that way. What painful inner conflict that must cause the vicar because even Reverend Black Grape – a dangerous populist in saintly cloth – is against ministers in dresses. He knows the trappings of faith require adherence to the norm.
The tutued vicar needs a little sympathy and understanding. In contrast, the Sinister Minister needs a Bullet because that tale of human sacrifice, racism, slavery makes me wonder how human beings could ever give over their autonomy to the leaders of a belief system that would accept such depravity. Is it not obvious that such behaviour isn’t right?
Damaged Bug have a partial answer: Slay the Priests. If you want to conquer a people kill their gods. This is a chilling song with effects that incrementally ratchet up the tension. It makes me want to say, better the devil you know than accept whatever evil this is.
Tackhead - Stealing. “You know music goes good with Preaching!” As your guru I will list it for no other reason than I like it. Being the leader of a faith allows you to do that.
But if you want another set of sounds from the pulpit, be like The Impressions and call for a Preacher Man who understands the need for “blessings for peace throughout the land.” Someone who “will break it down in words and rhyme. What he’s really all about is that we’re all one kind.”
Can I get an “Amen?”
Thank you Hozier - Take Me to Church.
The Almighty Altar A-List Playlist:
Paul Kelly - Stealin’ in the Name of the Lord
Roberta Flack - Reverend Lee
Larry Heard - Can You Feel It? (Martin Luther King Mix)
HiFi Sean - Testify (featuring Crystal Waters)
Orchestra Baobab - Mouhamadou Bamba
Judy Collins - Priests
Prefab Sprout - Don’t Sing
Mercury Rev - Sermon (featuring Margo Price)
Ska-P - Crimen Sollicitationis
Black Grape - Reverend Black Grape
Mischief Brew - Ballad of the Cloth
Moodymann - The Thief that Stole My Sad Days (Ya Blessin'Me)
Son House - Preachin’ Blues
Papa Wemba - Dixième Commandement
Santigold - High Priestess
The Smiths - Vicar in a Tutu
Bullet - Sinister Minister
Damaged Bug - Slay the Priests
Tackhead - Stealing
The Impressions - Preacher Man
Hozier - Take Me to Church
Hear The Seers Spotify Version:
Guru’s Wildcard Pick:
Zeke Manyika – Bible Belt
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations in response to last week's topic: Oh Lord! It's songs about preachers, priests and other religious leaders. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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