By ParaMhor
“I've always been into having stories told to me. I was a voracious reader, my father was also a teller of tales; and the kind of Baron Munchausen proxy of a tall tale was much more interesting than a true tale.” – Damon Lindelof
“Never trust the artist. Trust the tale. The proper function of the critic is to save the tale from the artist who created it.” – DH Lawrence
Longtime regular George Boyland mentions that a close friend once went for a loaf of bread and ended up at the European Cup Final. Could happen to anyone (and I have heard similar about Lisbon 67). As George says, I wish I'd heard his excuse. But it couldn't have beaten this one. Orange Claw Hammer by Captain Beefheart, excusing his 30 year absence to his ‘daughter’.
I was shanghaied
By a high hat beaver mustache man
And his pirate friend
I woke up in vomit and beer in a banana bin
And a soft lass with brown skin
Bore me seven babies with snappin' black eyes
And beautiful ebony skin
Almost a companion piece, Swordfishtrombone by Tom Waits sounds as fresh now as when it was released (gulp) over forty years ago. As Uncleben notes, Tom himself admits he might be taking liberties with the facts.
Perhaps this yarn is the only thing that holds this man together
Some say that he was never here at all
Some say they saw him down in Birmingham
Sleeping in a boxcar going by
And if you think that you can tell a bigger tale
I swear to God you'd have to tell a lie
“A ramble of a tune from Yorkshire and outer space. “Well worth the money,” says DiscoMonster of 100% Endurance by Yard Act. Aside from the beguiling tune and story, splendid video with the mighty David Thewlis.
It's all so pointless, sure is
And when you're gone
It makes me stronger knowing
That this will all just carry on
With someone else (someone else)
(Something new) something new
It's not like there's gonna be nothing, is it?
Nilpferd offers the wonderful Mission Improbable from the Herbaliser. “Jean Grae aka What What spins a yarn in which she's snatched by secret service agents, but her crew comes to the rescue.”
Woke up at 7:30 early in the morning last week
Sun shining in my face, I wiped away the sleep
From my eyes, from the beginning - OH SHIT, what do you know
Two guys standin with guns at my bedroom window
Next up, a cautionary tale from Pluto Shervington. Ram Goat Liver tells the story of a bus accidentally hitting a goat, passenger and friends not looking too hard for the owner, but instead making soup, with unfortunate consequences for our narrator. Thanks again to George Boyland for this one.
Before too long you no ha fi ask
A runny belly like a judgement day
A everybody in the road a dead wid laugh
It’s then I know that crime will never pay
A fascinating character, Alexander Bedward was a charismatic preacher in his native Jamaica and a forerunner to Marcus Garvey. He also told his followers that he would ascend to heaven in a flaming chariot and rain down fire on non-believers. However, his chariot (or chair balanced in a tree) failed to ascend. Bedward eventually climbed down and went home. As pejepeine notes, Prince Far I narrates the anti-climactic tale in Singers Players Bedward the Flying Preacher.
Stuart David, formerly of Belle and Sebastian narrates Looper’s wonderful Dave the Moon Man. Thanks to MussoliniHeadkick for this one, which discusses the perils of falling down an internet conspiracy theory rabbit hole. C’mon, we’ve all done it…
“I thought he had a mission, Dave the Moonman, to prove to everyone that no-one had ever landed on the moon. But that wasn't it at all. He was telling everyone all this stuff he'd learned cause he was hoping someone could prove to him it was wrong, and it wasn't just a hoax.”
Shoegazer gives us the lovely Percy Faith by Damien Jurado. Fellow easy listening maestro Ray Conniff and Mr Allen Sherman are also referenced in a gorgeous performance.
“I'll be selling Arizona to the next potential buyer
Who comes in from the north in search of sand”
And so, to MES, who could have filled a list by himself. A few Fall nominations this week. This is my favourite: Guest Informant nominated by happyclapper, who confirms my suspicion that this is a work of transcendent genius. I’m reliably informed that Brix Smith is singing “Baghdad/Space Cog/Analyst”. Me neither.
"In the burning scorch of another Sunday over
The miserable Scottish hotel,
Resembled a Genesis or Marillion, 1973 LP cover
All the hotel staff had been dismissed,
It was me, the Hoover, and the O. A. P.s
Asked: Could he turn killer?
Thought: Could I kill him?
Pondered: Or is he itinerant?
But I guess he's just a cog analyst"
More from MussoliniHeadkick, Empire State Human by The Human League was released before they split and became massive pop stars. Should have been a massive hit.
Because of this longing in my heart
I'm going to start the growing art
I'm going to grow now and never stop
Think like a mountain, grow to the top
Another hugely entertaining tale from Mike Skinner. Told with his customary wit, Can’t Con an Honest John by The Streets was a late nomination from Barbryn (south of France? Not envious at all …) and does what it says from the off
Using the following, I'm going to show you:
A) How to con someone using their own greed,
B) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway, and
C) TAKING THEIR MONEY!
Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream is one of many shaggy dog tales from the estimable Bob and marks the beginning of his electric period. A mishmash of real and fictional people and events. As TarquinSpodd reminds us, it is unlikely that Mr Dylan sailed on the Mayflower.
To close, we have Fitter Stoke Has A Bath by Hatfield and the North, nominated by TatankaYotanka. Named after a famous road sign on the A1 and beloved of serious young men everywhere (as related by Jonathan Coe in his marvellous Rotter’s Club), I was initially wary but drawn in by the almost Wyatt like voice and sly sense of humour.
But just the same
I'm happy just to sit around at home
With Pamela making cups of tea and washing clothes
Now anyone could easily see
I'm basically a cretin
Really enjoyed this week. Thanks to all who contributed, to Peter for another great intro and to Marco and Uncleben for the SB Bible. Best wishes Marco for a swift recovery.
Arch Anecdote A-List Playlist:
Captain Beefheart – Orange Claw Hammer (George Boyland)
Tom Waits – Swordfishtrombone (Uncleben)
Yard Act – 100% Endurance (DiscoMonster)
Herbaliser (featuring What What) – Mission Improbable (Nilpferd)
Pluto Shervington – Ram Goat Liver (George Boyland)
Singers Players with Prince Far I – Bedward the Flying Preacher (pejepeine)
Looper – Dave the Moon Man (MussoliniHeadkick)
Damien Jurado – Percy Faith (Shoegazer)
The Fall – Guest Informant (happyclapper)
The Human League – Empire State Human (MussoliniHeadkick)
The Streets – Can’t Con an Honest John (Barbryn)
Bob Dylan – Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream (TarquinSpodd)
Hatfield and the North – Fitter Stoke has a Bath (TatankaYotanka)
Brilliant Baloney B-List Playlist:
The Nightriders – It’s Only The Dog (Shiv Sidecar)
City Boy – The Man Who Ate His Car (Fred Erickson)
Sparks – Kidnap (Olive Butler)
The Only Ones – Creature of Doom (Severin)
Lightnin’ Hopkins – Shaggy Dog (Banazir Galbasi)
Tony Joe White – They Caught the Devil and Put Him in Jail in Eudora, Arkansas (Marconius)
Brenda Wootton – Well of St Keyne (Suzi)
Ivor Cutler – Life in a Scotch Sitting Room v. 2 ep. 6 (TarquinSpodd)
Cathal Coughlan – Eerin Go Braghag (Carpgate)
King Missile – Detachable Penis (Traktor Albatrost)
The Burning Hell – The Stranger (Uncleben)
Bonny Light Horseman – Bonny Light Horseman (Tincanman)
Rooney – Lucy over Lancashire (DiscoMonster)
Guru’s Wildcard Picks:
Genesis - Carpet Crawlers
Bob Dylan – Isis
Father John Misty – The Next 20th Century
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations in response to last week's topic: Spinning yarns: songs with shaggy dog stories and tall tales. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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